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"Just keep your hands off. You can go now."He retreated from the house, got back in his car, drove away. I watchedhim zoom down the street and hurried back inside, where I broke down intears. I consoled myself with the thought that at least he hadn'tdetected my real sex.I spent the evening laundering all of Ms. Underbust's things that I'dworn, hand-laundering the most delicate items, and putting them awayexactly as I'd found them. I even ironed the slip I'd worn.I was back in my boy's clothes when Ms. Underbust returned Fridaymorning. She gave me a strange look."I was texting with Dirk," she said, "and he mentioned that Lisa fromdown the street was house sitting while I was away."Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Oh oh oh shit."The thing is," Ms. Underbust said, "I don't know any Lisa from down thestreet. Did you have a girl named Lisa staying here?" No, ma'am," I said.She looked me in the eyes. "Well, then, who's Lisa?"I looked down. Could not speak.Her eyes widened. "Was it you? Were you. .. and equally between the mother and the daughter. We had decided to get married, but the logistics of it ... a proper polyamorous wedding without the necessity of converting to Mormonism, overwhelmed us. We couldn’t just engrave ‘It’s Complicated’ on tasteful ivory card stock and mail it off to all of our various friends and family. Besides, if marrying one woman wasn’t complicated and life-disrupting enough, then marrying two, mother and daughter at that, would just multiply all the usual relationship difficulties, plus allow for even less available closet space.That’s me ... the pessimist. So, we dithered and delayed, and six months later just before Christmas the three of us moved into our new house together. Emily was already seven full months pregnant with our son and now Leanne had just tested positive too. Still none of us were married yet! Three days later we had visitors at the door, the local minster of the largest church in Hillside Lakes, along with his wife!You can’t.
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